15 Of The Worst Mistakes Women Make
15 Of the worst mistakes women make while trying to improve their attractiveness
- The Trout Pout
Every man loves woman with a juicy, plumb kisser. They should be thinking Scarlet Johansson or Angelina Jolie, not Meg Ryan or Lara Flynn Boyle. There is nothing attractive about him opening his eyes from a kiss and realizing he just played tonsil hockey with plankton from Sponge-Bob Square-pants. After he realizes this, there will be absolutely no love for your Bikini bottom.
- Little Baby Voice
Ok! Whoa! Stop there girl! Who told you that putting on a phony baby voice was sexy? Paris Hilton? Not only is it irritating, but it also sends subliminal messages to the male psyche saying ” i’m not your papaaaa!” and “i am not like Roman Polanski.”
- Hair Extensions
Picture the scene. You, him, cuddling under a blanket watching a movie he runs his fingers through your hair. Sounds romantic right? It was until his fingers got caught on your track and when he pulled away he thought he was turning into teen Wolf. If he doesn’t turn away immediately, you can bet he won’t be coming close to your artificial rats nest away time soon .
- Spray Tans
What’s orange, sticky and smells funny? Nope it’s not a rotten tangerine. Tans are sexy that’s for sure, just not when they come from a can. No guy wants to date an Oompa Loompa, that’s the opposite of hot! These tans have a very distinct odor as well . smells like soy sauce. Not only do you look like leftover General Tso’s. You kinda smell like it too.
- Chronic Dieting
Contrary to popular belief, men do not want emaciated, 14 year old Estonian super models. Sorry Vogue! Men prefer healthy and curvy bodies. is there any man enraptured with passion over Rachel Zoe? Not really. Well maybe one and probably has a fetish for overcooked beef jerky. Skinny and shriveled up is not sexy.
- Acting Dumb
There is nothing more daunting than trying to get through a date with a vapid bubble head. There is very limited conversation (“Um, how many calories is in lettuce and water?” ” I didn’t know our president was black! Bill Clinton is black?!” It is so quiet he can actually hear her brain working overtime to muster up a simple answer. Representing yourself like you are part of the MK Ultra sex kitten government experiment won’t get you anywhere . Men are better mankind as we know it to perish.
- Chicken Cutlets
False advertisement is a crime ladies! It is never in good form (pun intended) to mislead a guy, Be proud of your boobies no matter what size. Imagine the embarrassment of getting felt up only to have the guy scream out in panic “I think i have found a tumor” while holding your floppy, life-less insert in hand. Then having to explain to him what it really is.
- The Booty Pop
Big bottoms are all rage lately. Booties like peaches, that if bitten into would be full of surgery nectar. Enter The Booty Pop, the infomercial panty that gives lazy ladies a little extra jiggle. Once the booty really pops, your man will be left with a pancake and no peach. You will be left with a deficit of 19.95 plus shipping and handling. Sir Mix A Lot would not be happy, girlfriend.
- Showing All The Goods
A glimpse of toned calf in stilettos, or an eye full of tanned shoulder blades in a camisole defines sexiness and lets the mind wander. Getting a close up the scars from your boob job in a halter is trashy and leaves little to the imagination. A man doesn’t want to be asked “How much for Blondie?” by potential Johns when out and about with his lady. Classy always wins out over trashy, always.
- Tramp Stamps
A tramp stamp is an open invitation to the bimbo brigade. Chances are the tattoo has no significance or history other than to commemorate the 15 shots of soCo you had just taken, You see a butterfly or Chinese letters and all he sees is “Proud graduate of the Pam Anderson day school for the impossibly trashy and outdated.”
- Sharpie Brows
Eyebrows are very important feature on a woman’s face. They are one of the first features noticed. Over-plucking and drawing them on harshly is never a good idea. Two strong and dark brows will make your man think you joined a street gang. He will be anticipating the day you pull a razor blade from under your tongue and cut him up, ese! leave this look to Vice City avatars.
- Goopy Gloss
While you may rush to the nearest store to pick up the newest pink lip gloss to entice your man, he is thinking “Oh no!’ you may think your lips look luscious, but when he kisses you, his lips feel like a mouse caught in a glue trap. There is nothing like the thought of dead mice to get a guy going. This will only work if his name is Ben and his bff is a rat.
- Press On Nails
Press on nails should be renamed press on fails. They look extremely fake and tacky. This is not the main issue though. Popping off all the time is. When you only have three nails on your hand, you run the risk of looking like Amy Wine-House, completely cracked and unaware of hygiene. Imagine baking a sweet pie for your man and when he digs in, a ruby red fake nail remains in his mouth or even worse his throat. Mmmm delicious!
- Mascara Overload
Pointy, twisted, clumpy, flaky. The antithesis of attractive. Just like the lashes that accompany those words. Looking like two tarantulas made a home on your way eyelids is creepy. Let’s hope the guy you are fixing to score isn’t an arachnophobe. Tammy faye was the only one allowed to pull this look off and trust me, she did it with a lot of help and love from God.
- Dark Lids And Red Lips
The whole objective of makeup is to enhance the beauty you already have, not to alter it completely and wind up looking like a demented Kabuki doll. Dark lids and red lips should never be pared together. It makes you know of a single man who would date maleficent, but quite a few who would die to sleep with the beauty.