The Wedding Gift-0-Graph

Highly Appreciated

  • Heirloom Objects
    A thoughtful piece of history to make a family member or friend that’s since parted part of the day can leave a sweet impression. (Granny’s Old dentures don’t count.)
    Cost: Only what it takes to transport or touch up
  • Straight Up Cash Money
    Slip some bills (or a check) into an envelope and help cushion that new lynext-egg
    Cost: The more the merrier
  • Anything Off The Registry
    Getting struck with a turkey baster, mattress pad, and Back to the Future DVD as the only kinda sucks, but they’ll think of you when watching Marty McFly rig up the the flux capacitor, while munching roast turkey leftovers in bed.
    Cost: $31.75, Back to the Future Trilogy set, amazon.com
  • Gift Cards
    It may feel impersonal, but any couple can get excited about a free dinner out, local museum passes, or movie tickets to use once they’ve hang up the wedding attire and settled into real, mundane life.
    Cost: As much as you want to spend
  • Cool Homemade Art
    That is, if you know the couple’s feline furvor well enough to cause an “Awe you shouldn’t have!” not an “Oh…cute cat-oil-painting…”
    Cost of supplies

Awkward

  • Commemorative Decor
    Like, say, a vinyl letter-crested wood plaque for a couple whose style you don’t know well. That eyesore’s headed straight to the “I feel bad getting rid of this, so let’s hide it” box under the bed.
    Cost of supplies
  • Re-Gifted
    If the thing is so useless it went in your re-gift pile in the first place, just toss it already.
    Cost: $0, but you might end as well throw in a complimentary thrash bag
  • Cutesy, Customized Crap
    Yes, personalized couples toilet paper is a real thing. No, it will not make wiping as a newlywed more romantic
    Cost: $20, ebay.com
  • Useless Appliances
    Quesadilla maker, anyone? (it’s called use a frying pan and flip that thing yourself
    Cost: $34.99, amazon.comĀ 
  • Bedroom -only Items
    No bride wants to receive a naughty nightie from her brother-in-law/ family friends/next- door neighbor. If you weren’t at the bachelorette party, lay off.
    Cost: Prices vary, mannequin not included

The Wedding Gift-O-Graph

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